A Year of Firsts

What to blog about tonight? Not really too sure what I feel like blogging about. I'm in a blah mood tonight and it is nothing to do with the weather.  There are so many things I could blog about. What it has been like to going through my eldest daughters break-up with her after her boyfriend of almost a year and she broke up. How my biological parents located me after 40 years. How we just booked our March Break trip to Bahamas. How fantastic a photographer my youngest daughter is. But at the end of it all, I keep coming back to my Mum. Everything comes back to her. The only problem is, she is not here anymore. Cancer got her, August 10th, while my younger brother and sister-in-law watched her take her last breath.

Today was my first day off in nine days, like every other day off I have while hubby is at work and the girls are at school, I woke up thinking about how I better call Mum to see what adventures we would get up to today. What was I thinking? She has been gone for almost two months. It was the same the first day I returned to work. Got to check my voice mail, I know there will be a message from her, I thought, there always is, but there wasn't. As we approach Thanksgiving, I am partly dreading it, the first holiday dinner without her. The next year promises to be a year of firsts, but not good firsts, our firsts without Mum. And that thought truly saddens me.  But I will put on a brave face for the sake of my family.

Tomorrow is a new day though. Along with my brothers, I will go back to one of my favourite childhood restaurants. Whenever a birthday rolled around, we could count on Mum to take us there. I have not been in almost 30 years, but I am sure the memories and tears will start to flow while we are there. Good tears though, remember memories of Mum.

 Mum and my girls in Beverly Hills, California August 2014